Relationship Sunday: God at the Heart of our Relationships
Sirach 27:30-28:7; Romans 14:7-9; Matthew 18:21-35
“You do good, you do for yourself; you do bad, you do for yourself!” This is the summary of our readings this Sunday, from the story of Mr. Do-good. That is not his true name, but children gave him that name. As a beggar, he never said “thank you” when he was offered anything; instead, he said: “you do good, you do for yourself; you do bad, you do for yourself”. How does that formula of Mr. Do-good apply to our lives on earth as Christians?
When we look at our readings today, from the angle of relationship, we notice that whatever we do or say matters. The center of the first reading is the statement: “Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the Lord? Could anyone refuse mercy to another like himself and seek pardon for his own sins?” (Sirach 28:3-4). These assertions mean that our lives are intertwined. We form a triangle: God, my neighbor and I. No matter how much we try to break this triangle, we will never succeed; at best, we can deceive ourselves by denying it. As human beings, the unavoidable truth is that we are all debtors both to God and others. If for no other reason, each person is a debtor to God for having created and redeemed him/her. Also, each person has received help from other human beings, be they our families, friends and strangers. And, the characteristic of every debtor is that he or she must pay back at some point.
The point of our first reading is that our indebtedness to one another and God translates as relationship, infrangible relationship. Love is a kind of relationship, just as hatred is a kind of relationship as well. The difference is that love frees the lover, while hatred imprisons the hater. While the lover sleeps well at night and he/she is always happy, the hater lacks sleep at night and lacks joy during the day because he/she is busy scheming evil. In fact, the hater sometimes gets caught in the act, thereby doubling his/her tragedy. A recent study shows that we need less muscles to smile than the muscles we use up when angry. A relationship that recognizes our mutual indebtedness liberates us from hatred and makes us happy. This is the connection between the first and gospel readings.
The problem human beings have, shown in our gospel reading, is the forgetfulness of their origins and debts to God and others. This Sunday’s gospel reminds us that we are debtors of God and others. This message is put in a parable of the unforgiving servant, who was forgiven his debts but failed to forgive his fellow servant. He felt good, when his debt was forgiven him, but he had no intention of sharing that happiness with his fellow servant. His joy was short lived, though, because his debt was reinstated and imprisonment followed: he lost his freedom of movement for refusing to share or extend his happiness to others. This is what happens in real life, when we refuse relationship, when we fail to care for and love others instead of hating them—we imprison ourselves in hatred.
Those of us who live in developing countries feel this reality in a concrete way. In our slums, there are few living in opulence, with the majority scavenging at their doorsteps. Wealth does not trickle down to the poor below, and happiness and security do not ascend to the rich and powerful above because they live in constant fear. By keeping their wealth to themselves, they create a relationship of strife—the poor fight the powerful by crook and by hook—“You do good, you do for yourself; you do bad, you do for yourself”.
Our second reading provides the assignment for this week: “None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself. For if we live, we live for the Lord, and if we die, we die for the Lord; so then, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s” (Romans 14:7-8). In other words, “relationship” defines the Christian life. Every Christian must be in a loving and forgiving relationship with all. Jesus Christ exemplifies this relationship by dying for us, without our asking him to. He realizes that the damnation of every Christian impoverishes the love God has for every human being. To be created in the image and likeness of God is to be unbreakably joined to God. God is not indifferent to what happens to us. Why should we be indifferent to what happens to others?
The wrong step in every relationship is our expectations of others. The right expectation about relationship is to expect nothing, but supply everything for the relationship oneself. Peter’s question is at the origin of broken relationship—“how often must I forgive others”, he asked Jesus? He wouldn’t have needed to ask Jesus any question, if he had asked himself: how often must others forgive me? Fundamentally, our gospel teaches us how selfishly dangerous our questions can be, when wrongly asked. Instead of building relationships, our questions might breed hatred. We all need infinite forgiveness, why desire less for our neighbors?
Relationship Sunday, a name we have given to this Sunday, invites us to renew our broken relationships, where envy, pride, greed, injustice, etc. have turned us into haters, assassins of lives and characters, destroyers of properties and civilizations, afflicters of pain and disgrace; let us become menders of broken relationships, forgivers of wrongs done to us and promoters of the civilization of love. Your neighbor is not the problem, you are the problem: be the first to forgive and keep forgiving, and you will be in relationship with all.
Assignment for the Week:
Think of a broken relationship and try to mend it.